What should I do here?

I completely understand where you're coming from. Most people are willing to settle for less than perfect. You (and I) suffer from perfectionism. All through school I was an overachiever, in advanced and gifted courses, putting so much stress on myself to be Perfect. After nearly suffering a breakdown after getting my B.A., I decided to take time off and confront my personality disorder head on. Speaking to a psychologist I realized that from the time I was very young my mother wanted me to be impressive, and I so wanted her to be proud of me. TO LOVE ME. She used to say "if you're going to do something, do it right, or not at all." I was impacted Psychologically by this. Now older and wiser, I realize that you must respect and Love Yourself, flaws and all. I have yet to go back for my Master's degree, and instead am writing a book I hope to get published. With my personality type this has been a much less stressful course to pursue. Having breakdowns and contemplating suicide is no way to live one's life. You need to have enough compion for yourself to reach out to anyone, put your False pride aside,and lay the armor down. It's difficult to do when you've worked so hard to make others believe you are perfect. But in REALITY there is no such thing. Drop your facade and get on with healing. The road before you will widen, I promise. And your life will fall into place. The winds of grace are blowing all the time. Raise your sails. Without UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for yourself, you will never be content or happy in any of your endeavors. Start at the beginning...It's not about the destination. IT IS ABOUT THE JOURNEY.